I used to dread Valentine’s day. Not because I was a ‘down with love’ kind of girl, I wasn’t. There were usually 2 reasons: I found it really superficial, and it would always remind me I was single. I hate superficial things and I hate being reminded of things I can’t change.
Yet, deep down I wanted someone to share the day with. Funny how we can try to ignore something, yet secretly it’s what we really want.
This year, I have someone to share it with. And yet I am reminded of those years I didn’t have anyone. When I would sit alone on my couch and cry with a block of chocolate and a box of tissues. When I started dating a young man (who would later break my heart) I became confronted by a couple of things. The dilemma I mentioned in my last post.
I had spent years searching, waiting, hoping. I was so used to it and used to taking care of me, that I began to see how selfish I had become, when I finally had to share my life with someone else. Prolonged singleness can do that. You get so used to looking after yourself, having things organised the way you want them, making all the decisions that it can be hard to give it over to someone else. In fact at times, it scared me to tears. I wanted nothing more than to find the man of my dreams. But then I had to SHARE me.
I remember attending a conference on marriage and dating (perhaps more to check out the young men than listen to the talk LOL) and hearing the speaker say “When you are in an intimate relationship with someone, your life is not your own.” I couldn’t think of anything else that scared me more. The fact that if I got married I would no longer be my own, but belong to another. Could I let someone in like that? I wasn’t sure if I could.
Yet, I felt God had paced the desire for marriage in my heart. So to pursue marriage meant confronting my selfishness. It meant getting ready to Share myself. It meant taking the time now, as a single person, to practice sharing (not giving ourselves away prematurely, but serving and loving others in a Godly way). It occurred to me that Singleness was preparation. Not just for marriage. but for all of life. Perhaps you never married, your singleness has prepared you for service to God with all of yourself. Perhaps you were headed to missions. Your singleness has prepared you for service to a world that is also broken and scarred and empty. Perhaps you have gotten married (or are about to) then your singleness is preparation for marriage. And ultimately it prepares us to trust and believe in God and his Word, come what may.
When I realised this, I started to live my singleness with purpose. Not to win a guy, or focus on marriage. but to focus on my growth. To trust God when it was just Me and God. Because I knew, if I couldn’t trust God without a husband, how could I trust him with one?
May you be blessed in your preparation. whether for God or a Husband. May you know his hand on your and his grace is sufficient for all those times you feel alone. 🙂